Little Brothers are Stupid
by fezwearingjellybananas
Summary: Mycroft's little brother jumped off a roof. Barney's little brother got himself brainwashed by an alien. They both really need a drink. Or a few. They're going to regret this in the morning.


"That's rather a lot of alcohol you're drinking."

"Evening. Is it evening?"

"An American. I assume you haven't adjusted to the correct time zone yet."

"Well, I was in Japan. Cheers."

"Cheers." Mycroft's scotch glass clinked with the stranger's pint. "I assume it isn't a romantic issue that has you drinking. FBI?"

"FBI. But SHIELD's the problem. You know SHIELD? The secret organisation that has a logo on everything. It's not great design."

"I know of SHIELD, yes. What have they done this time?"

"Well, 's more specifically one SHIELD. He's an idiot."

"I see. What did he do?"

"See, I went to Japan, like I got told to, then I came over here, because they did stuff, oh, you might want to watch by the way there's a man. I don't remember who. I'm a little drunk. But then I got told give up because the SHIELD agent is mind controlled and tha's bad."

"You're close to him."

"He's my li'le brother. It's bad. He's an idiot. I leave him alone for five minutes to go to Japan and then he gets mind controlled by an alien. H's really stupid."

"They are, aren't they."

"You got a little brother?"

"He jumped off a roof."

"Well, he's a stupid as Clint. Little brothers. They're all stupid. Is he all right?"

"It's complicated. He's alive, but he can't come home for a long time. There's a man, he was going to kill Sherlock's friends, unless Sherlock died. So Sherlock pretended to die and now he can't come home until he's sure his friends are safe."

"Ah, morals. Good guys. They all the same. They go an' do good stuff for their friends and bosses, urgh, and then they leave no thoughts for their brothers. Pfff. Stupid. They're all stupid."

"Agreed."

"'s all righ'-" The man paused, pointing at Mycroft, arm flopping up and down and bit.

"Mycroft."

"That's a weird name."

"So's Clint. It's very American."

"Sherlock's a weird name. I am the only normal one. I'm… I'm.. Barney. That's me. Barney. Well, it's Charles really, Charles Bernard, but everyone me Barney. I don't really know why."

"Sherlock's his middle name as well. William Sherlock Scott Holmes."

"That's a long name. And Sherlock's weird. Clint's Clinton Francis Barton. He's a bit weird too. He does a shooty thing with sticks that he used to in the circus but not for the circus. For SHIELD. 'Cos he's weird. And stupid."

"Do you think you've enough to drink?"

"Probably. This stuff is weird. This country's weird. Everyone's got weird names and little brothers are stupid. Especially mine who got himself brainwashed by an alien Norse God and your's who jumped off a building. That was stupid. I think my brother might die."

"I'm sure he'll be fine."

"I need more drink."

"You really don't."

"You need more drink."

"Probably."

"You defiantly do, you're still standing."

"Yep. One pint please." Mycroft looked at it as he exchanged money for drink, taking in the golden glow. "I'm going to regret this tomorrow."

And he drank it.

* * *

><p>The first thing Barney Barton did in the morning was fall out of bed and clutch his head. Ow. Hangover. He pinched the bridge of his nose and squeezed his eyes shut. Getting drunk had been a bad idea.<p>

"Mr Barton," a woman said, handing him a glass and a tablet. "An aspirin for you."

"Thanks, erm…"

"Anthea. We met briefly last night. You and Mr Holmes were half asleep in a ditch."

"I am so sorry."

"I must say, it was a new experience for me. There is an aeroplane ticket booked in your name for flight back out to the USA. Security opens in two hours. And Director Fury called, I informed him you were with Mr Holmes, he says there has been an attack on the Helicarrier."

"Sh-"

"And Agent Barton, code name Hawkeye, is no longer under Loki's command."

"Oh thank futz." Another new experience for Anthea as he wrapped his arms around her. She patted him on the back.

"I recommend you take that aspirin, flying with a hangover is not a pleasant experience."

"Thank you. But how did Fury know to call you?"

"He didn't. He wanted to inform Mr Holmes of the current situation."

"What does Mr Holmes do?"

"In the crude words of his brother, he is the British Government."

She nodded curtly and left, leaving Barney with a plane ticket, his passport and a bad feeling in his gut that getting drunk with the British Government was not a good idea. But at least he'd have a story to tell.

* * *

><p><strong>Author's Note: Well, I was writing about dragons and then this happened. Go figure. <strong>

**Barney's not on the character list and hasn't appeared in the MCU (which this fits into with Loki and stuff), but he's in the Hawkeye comics. Neither him nor Mycroft seem particularly in character, but they are both drunk. People get a bit odd when they're drunk and different. Take it from someone who's had to look after drunk people. They're worried about their little brothers too. Hopefully it's not too OOC? (Although the whole idea of Mycroft Holmes getting drunk in a pub with a random American he found is probably out of character, but anyway)**

**Also, assume Barney got told about Clint when Germany happened rather than when it happened and assume Sherlock jumped off Bart's roof the same day even though they weren't. **

**Anyhow, hope you enjoyed it. **


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